What Is Left

A voodoo doll of myself being stuck with pins.

Another cut to open what's just starting to heal.

What is left of trust?

The bricks that were slowly torn down, one by one, are built back up.

I Know What It's Like

I know what it's like to feel distant.
I know what it's like to not fit in.
I know what it's like to be left out.
I know what it's like to be a wallflower.
I know what it's like to be disconnected.
I know what it's like to be alienated. In my own family.

I know what it's like to be alone.

I know what it's like to be angry. At life, at everything.

I know what it's like to be trapped inside my own thoughts.

I know what it's like to be a stranger in my own mind.

I know what it's like to lose control.


I know what it's like to feel like a failure.


I know the things that are a constant struggle, always lurking in the back of your mind.

It's like barely holding your head above water. Like balancing on the edge of a cliff.

What will push you under? What will tip you over?

What will keep you afloat? What will bring you back from the edge?

It's the ultimate test of strength, of willpower. Watching the rest of the world pass you by while you're grasping for something to hold on to.

I know what it's like.

One brain can only take so much at once

Dear Blog,

I have not forgotten about you.  In fact, I have bee thinking about you quite a bit, for some time now.  However, I am taking a promotional belt test to achieve the rank of black belt at my Tae Kwon Do academy in less than two weeks, and I have an essay to write, which takes up what little I have left of my thinking and concentration capacity.  Therefore, I am a bit preoccupied.  Don't worry, I'll be back soon.

Love, my brain.

Hello, 2012

I am not a professional blogger.  I'm not even an amateur blogger.  I have a regular full time job, and a family.  I had big plans to write frequent posts, at least every month.  Well, that just isn't happening right now.  Life is happening, however.  So many things are happening in the world, to my friends, and just the day to day sometimes takes over any side plans. 

I also practice martial arts, and am training for a black belt test next month.  I try to keep the house from being a complete wreck.  I go to school board meetings for my preschooler.  I don't have a social life.  With all these other things, trying to read about the topics I'm interested in, in order to make informative posts here, and trying to give myself some me-time, well, unfortunately the blog doesn't get written.  I fuss and fuss over what I should write about next.  I have so many thoughts and ideas.  Which one to write about next?  Which one is more important to me right now?  Which one is more relevant?  Maybe it will be this one...a week goes by...oh, this thing came up in the news, maybe I should write about that...another week goes by...oh, that's really relevant to my situation, I should write about that.  But then what about the other thing?  Sigh...

In any case, I have some things in the works.  I have to make myself sit down and focus for a long enough period of time to make a coherent post that feels meaningful.  Patience and persistence, or something.